Best Christmas Ever!!

This was a very fun Christmas.

We went to the children's Mass at 4 on Christmas Eve because Driven Man had to work at 7. That was a trial & #1 had a VERY difficult time with the people reading magazines and playing video games during Mass. When we got out DM rushed off to work & we went out with Wawa for dinner at Macayos.

Now, the tradition in our family is that we open one present on Christmas Eve. The present that the boys got to open was Guitar Hero III. Katie opened her Littlest Pet Shop and was beside herself with joy. The boys & I cracked open the GH & played & played & played. It was so much fun...#s 2&3 are very serious while playing. It is fun, but quiet. We do talk and taunt between songs, but during is all about the song. #1 and I are just a couple of idiots. We laugh & tease & kick each other. I swear I morph into a 14 year old boy when I play with him!

We opened all the other presents in the morning. I realized I'm going to have to keep DM...he gave me the best presents ever! The first was a mounted poster of this:

I first saw this picture in a photography book I got at the library. This is Salvador Dali photographed by Phillipe Halsman. Everything in the picture is in the air. I think it is the most brilliant piece of photography I've ever seen.

The second gift is a certificate for a trip in a wind tunnel. Here is a little explanation from their website:
Indoor Skydiving gives you the opportunity to experience the freedom of flight with no parachute or experience needed. Find out why birds sing without having to actually jump from an airplane.

So, essentially, I will be doing this:

Yes...I will put pictures up here! I'm going to post this now, as my adoring public is clamoring for some new reading material. At least we just found out that we get to leave at 3!!!!!

Home Life Update

Yesterday I wrote about the changes that have happened at work. Now for the home changes.

Driven Man has started working for a governmental agency that is involved in communications. Does the term "going postal" mean anything to you? He now has a "good" excuse for being cranky and insane. He is still working at night, just MUCH longer hours. The reason for him taking this job is because #1 had signed up to go to World Youth Day in Australia next summer. We were saving money but he, being Driven Man, had to take this job to raise the money. Later on we found out that since he wasn't 16 yet, one of his parental units would have to go with him. $4k is sooooo much more doable than $8k!! When that dream died, DM said he had to work for Christmas presents. He also has this family cruise idea. More power to him. Now I almost never see him. I am working during the day and he is working at night. Initially he was scheduled for 4-6 hours a night, now that it's Christmas it is 8 hours. The crazy thing about it is that they can decide to have people work overtime any time they feel. The employees HAVE to work it! They are held hostage & not able to leave! It really seems to be the opposite of my job. Some days it sucks & I really miss him. Other days it is probably for the best. Sad...but true.

Now I will experiment with inserting a picture:


This is the Christmas present I asked my mom to get me. It has been a long time since I had any cool Pampered Chef stonewear. I can't wait to use it.

Wow...I'm really lame. (hanging head in shame)

I'M BAAAAACCCCKKKK!!!!!!!

I'm not dead. I've been entrenched in the world of white collar crime and have not had 3 brain cells to rub together, much less the time to write here.

In the beginning/middle of June I was assigned to the WCC department. Both secretaries left the firm within two weeks and, basically, I was left to run the show myself! It was a terrifying and exciting experience. That desk was really busy and the attorneys so nice. I got to learn what white collar crime really means...someone with money that gets in trouble with the law. We had everything from DUIs to molesters to government scandals. It was interesting to say the least. In the middle of it I was assigned to another litigation partner who was having difficulties replacing her secretary of 15 years. The dear woman retired, and apparently no one could fill her shoes. I couldn't either and I was fitting #3. For a tiny, dried up, little old lady she sure had huge shoes to fill...I'm talking Shaq here! Fitting #4 seems to be working out, I do hear them yelling at each other, but at least she has lasted 2 months. After that going back to only WCC was a treat, but shortly thereafter the group left the firm and I'm back to floating. That is a vacation in itself. To be able to work leisurely is a treat, having nothing to do...not so much. You know you are sick when you reminisce about the insane days!

Well, it is time to go home. I know this has been boring, but next time I'll tell all about Guitar Hero III!

whah whah whah whah whah

This could also be titled "Driven Man is Charlie Brown's teacher."

It is impossible to talk to Driven Man on the phone. It is not easy to talk to him at all actually, he mumbles. His mother complains that he "eats his words" when he talks. She just may be right.

He likes to wait until I'm on the other side of the house to say something to me. We live in a sardine can, it shouldn't be hard to hear each other, but it is. He speaks just loudly enough that I can tell he is talking to me, but I have no idea what he is saying. When I say, "what" he repeats it exactly the same way. When I still cannot understand him, he repeats again, the only difference would be the level of annyoance in his voice. It then falls to me to stop what I'm doing and go to him to find out what he is saying. Having left the work I was doing I go to him to find out he wanted to inform me of the average wing speed of a swallow.

The other day, while I was driving home, he called me. He had me on speaker phone. This is how the conversation went:

DM: "whah whah whah my mom whah whah whah house?"
Me: "What?"
DM: "whah pick whah mom whah whah whah ...se?"
Me: "I'm sorry honey, what was that?"
DM: (louder & background noise) "Pick up whah whah whah at Auntie Sarah's house?"
We don't have an Auntie Sarah
Me: "I understand that you want me to pick your mom up, but where?"
DM: "whah whah house!"
Me: "Would you please pick up the phone, I can't understand you.
DM: (the Princess is screaming in the background)"I'm cooking dinner."
Me: "Well if you picked up the phone for 10 seconds I would know what you want then you could hang up."
DM: "I'm busy here, just whah whah whah anticara"
Me: "What is an anticara?"
DM: "You know whah whah friends house!"
Me: "I really have no idea what you are talking about!"
DM: "The one whah whah QT!!"
Me: "What about QT?"
DM: "ANTICARA, ANTICARA!!"
Me: "JUST PICK UP THE PHONE!"
DM: "whah whah 40th Street whah whah"
Me: (through clenched teeth) "Do you mean Tita Flor's house?"
DM: "anticara, anticara, yes."
Me: "Fine I'll get her." Click, buzzzzzzzz

It turns out that Tita Flor's last name is something that resembles anticara. Now, I've known her for years & didn't realize that she had a last name. I thought she was like Madonna or Prince or even Brittney.

The very best part of the whole experience is that when I got to "anticara" there was no answer at the door. I rang the bell for a long time to no avail. I went back & called Mom's cell phone...no answer there either. I HAD TO CALL DRIVEN MAN BACK!!!!! He called "anticara's" phone and there was no answer.

After about 15 minutes I called her cell again...they were inside talking...they just didn't hear anything!!!!!!

Names for the Crazy Lady that Carries Her Own Keyboard from Desk to Desk

Microsoft Snob

Obsessive Compulsive

Keyboard Geek

Anal

Keystroke Nerd

Ergonomically Enhanced

Control Freak

Standard Challenged

Just plain pathetic

And this from my dad: Keyboard Retentive

Twisted, twisted child

I love my children equally, but in different ways, because they are such different people. #2 is especially twisted. His sense of humor is so much like mine it frightens me sometimes. When watching movies we very often wind up laughing uproariously, when no one else does.

Last night while we were all watching our favorite show, "How I Met Your Mother," there was a commercial for some depression medicine. You know the one: Depression hurts, blah, blah, blah. (Not making fun of depression, just the commercial.) It talks about how depression hurts, sadness, being unable to function, lack of interest, etc. In the middle of it #2 pipes up with, "I'm depressed at school!" Driven man, #1 & I all laughed until we wet ourselves.

Changing the bed at 8:00p.m. is not very fun.

Name Change

My darling husband, heretofore referred to as Rob't, will now be known as Driven Man. He knows why and I don't need to share. I've mentioned before how much more task oriented he is than I...well he is. Hence the moniker Driven Man.

Silly silly morning

Yes, it has been a while since I have posted, but the assignments I've had have kept me very busy. That is a good thing, but there has been quite a bit to report.

Yesterday was just a laugh a minute. I will relate the events of the morning in reverse order.

Incident the third: As #1 & I were driving to school, traffic going in the other was stopped. No, it wasn't an accident. As we got closer we saw a man in the road hunched over. HE WAS HERDING DUCKS! A mother duck & her little ducklings were...wait for it...crossing the road, and this man had stopped traffic to help them get out of the street. Yes, very nice man, very good deed, I might have done it myself, but by this point of the morning it was fuel for uproarious giggles.

Incident the second: Earlier on our drive to school there was a gigantic van ahead of us. When I say gigantic, I mean it wasn't a full size passenger van or some such. It wasn't a panel truck, it wasn't any kind of vehicle I have ever seen before. It was smaller than a semi, but bigger than a panel truck. It was white with MANY brightly colored cartoon animals on it. As we got close enough to read it, the sign said...and I kid you not..."Doggie Dude Ranch Daycare Bus". Say that ten times fast! I gave #1 my phone and he tried to take a picture, but it didn't work.

Incident the first: I was in the shower, actively showering, and Rob't pulls open the shower curtain. Initially I was thinking that this could be fun, except he had such a concerned, sincere look on his face. He said, "I'm worried that you have breast cancer." Here I am, naked and dripping wet (sorry for the visual), wondering what has happened that I don't know about. Am I having blackouts and I went to the doctor & just don't remember it? Was Rob't getting friendly while I slept & found a lump? I said, as you can probably imagine, "WHAT?!" He repeated it and as I stood there with mouth gaping & blinking the water out of my eyes he asked, "Do you check? Do you have a buddy to remind you to check?" As I shook myself out of my confusion induced haze, I was able to blurt out, "Yes I check, no I don't have a buddy, but I check. WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME THIS?" Again with the concerned expression. "Well breast cancer is more prevalent...I blame microwaves." At which point I told him to get out of the bathroom.

The Weekend

Wow...Weekends now mean so much more to me than they have in 15 years! It used to be that weekends were the time that I didn't have to drive the kids to school or worry about homework. We also got to see Rob't during the day...sometimes. Now, weekends are the time that I don't have to shower first thing in the morning if I don't want to. I don't have to blow dry my hair if it doesn't need it. I don't have to wear make-up. I don't have to be trapped, like a rat in a building. I can go do or not do whatever I want!

Saturday we had planned to go out of town to a picnic area with my whole family. When we woke up Rob't asked me to go check the weather and see what it was like, we wouldn't want to go for our picnic if it was raining. My reply was that I didn't care what the weather was like...I was going! I nearly got a panic attack thinking about cancelling it. I wanted to be outside & run & jump & be free & one with nature. I wanted to see my brother & sister & all the kids, since I don't hardly get to talk to them anymore. We decided not to go out of town, but had a picnic at a park in town. It was so much fun, chillier than we are used to, but welcome with the hell of summer looming on us. I hadn't realized how clausterphobic I had been feeling until that morning. YES I can see out of windows at my office, but that is just a tease. What good is being able to look out when you aren't able to go out?

I didn't wear make-up. I couldn't believe how happy I was not to put it on. For Mass I just wore mascarra & a little lipstick, but the rest of the time it was au natural. Yes, I believe I may be a moron. This morning, as I was washing my face #1 was in there with me. I was grumbling, "gotta wash my face before I gunk it all up again." He was confused, "Don't you mean gunk it up before you wash it?" "No, I'm washing it so I can just gunk it up with makeup." He looked bewildered and walked away. In that respect, I wish I were a man.

Lunch is over...more later.

*WARNING, DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY OFFENDED!!!*

Please do not read this if you are shy about feminine issues. I have a very embarrassing situation. Nipples. For some odd reason mine are particularly perky. Now this is not a new phenomenon since, BW, I wore T-shirts and patterned shirts that really didn't show them so much. Now that I'm working, and wearing dressier clothes, the shirts are thinner & usually a solid color. I feel like I've got a couple of freaking spelunking lamps on my chest! And, I don't know if anyone else has this problem, but, if I'm not careful while dressing they can wind up pointing in odd directions. Sort of like a lazy eye, but different, so very different. The other great part is sometimes I need to adjust myself. Normally I wouldn't notice, hence, wouldn't care.

THE ELEVATORS AT MY OFFICE ARE MIRRORED!!!!

How hideous is that?!? Not only do I have to be confronted with the fact that my bangs are looking like David Cassidy and my lipstick needs to be reapplied (what's up with that anyway?) I can see in living (gold tinted anyway) color that I need to readjust. It's even better when I'm standing right on the side so that 1/2 of me is reflected in the door & 1/2 in the wall. Makes my right breast look like it is growing out of my neck and the left is growing out of my stomach. I, invariably, decide THAT is the time to adjust...so I do...I'm alone...what's the big?

SECURITY CAMERAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When I remember the security cameras I try to be embarrassed...until the next time.

Maybe I should start waving.
Or just flash them.

Humiliations Galore!

Humiliations Galore

I like wearing skirts, I really do. I'm really not a slacks person, more a jeans or skirts person. This morning has made me re-think the issue of wearing slacks to work...almost.

I was having a temper tantrum. Robert had asked me to get #3 up early this morning, he had school work to fix. I did, granted I didn't wake up very cheerfully.

I know those of you that have known me for most of my life are laughing hysterically right now. The thing is, I have come leaps and bounds in the past 15 years. None of you would recognize me first thing in the morning. I still can't say that I'm perky, but no one has been in mortal danger from me upon awakening in many, many years. If they are, they have deserved it. I have made Herculean efforts to be patient and nice in the morning. But I digress.

Robert woke me up, I did the 3 minute cuddle with #3, then took the dogs out. When I came in I got ready to get in the shower. Rob't complained that I hadn't, "stuck with," #3. He had been walking when I left him, I saw the whites of his eyes, he mumbled coherently to me, I (erroneously) assumed my job was done. I was already grumpy about being up (Rob't & I have differing opinions on the best method of awakening someone), needed to get in the shower, dress, do the whole hair & makeup thing, BLEH. Went in an growled @ #3, "Get dressed right now, you were up, don't make my life harder, we can end the 3 min. cuddle if you don't appreciate it, blah, blah, blah, ad naseum." The boy really is my kid, he wakes up so hard, which is why I'm stuck with getting him out of bed, at least I have some empathy. Anyway...

Rob't was asking me to do all these things. Nothing big, just little, getting ready to go things. It is really no big deal, but this morning it pissed me off. He seems to have them more organized as far as backpacks go, so there isn't that to worry about. He always did the ironing, and I always did getting the boys up. Other than that, I basically got the boys ready and out the door in the morning, by myself. He always had this idea in his head of when he wanted to leave, and nothing would deter him from that. Granted, I probably never asked him for help, but I always heard that he had a time schedule and his time schedule was sacred. Apparently it still is. He just kept asking me to do this, find that, yada, yada, yada, this morning. He doesn't seem to understand or care that I have alot to do, for myself, in the morning to leave also. There is the shower, hair, make-up (& half of that I put on in the car anyway!), etc. I didn't say anything to him, like a complete moron, but eventually barked, "Hey I have things to do too!" This, unfortunately, was when he was walking out the door. Like Flylady always says, "Nobody likes a martyr, especially the martyr." I will talk to him tonight about letting me get ready for work. Again with the digressing.

Anyway, I took #1 to school in a snit. Bitchy, bitchy, bitchy. I asked #1 his opinion about what happened this morning & he just said, "Hey, I'm staying out of this one." Smart boy. After I dropped him off I decided that I deserved eyeliner. I stopped at the Walgreen's to get some. I parked in the 15 min. spot, right by the door, because it wouldn't take me that long. A man was getting into the car to my left as I was getting out. While I was walking, to the right, in the store my skirt just didn't feel right. I ran my hand down the back to check it, felt okay. It still seemed weird. As I passed in front of the door to go in I checked my reflection...the back of the skirt was all bunched up!!!!! I got inside the store, freaked, fixed the skirt and went to look for the eyeliner. The man getting in his car probably got a great show...I have no idea how much of a show & don't want to know. If this was still BW(before work), I wouldn't be wearing a stinking skirt on a Tuesday morning! I would be wearing jeans or shorts or something that is incapable (almost) of flashing anyone unintentionally! I could have been still half asleep instead of fully aware. Most importantly...I wouldn't have given a thought to eyeliner & if I deserved it or not.

The thing that frightens me the most about it is that I'm not all that embarrassed about it. I keep thinking that I should be, but I just am not all that worked up about it. Does that mean I'm an old lady? Rob't keeps telling me that I'm no spring chicken anymore...Butthead.

Things I hate about working outside of my house

Pantyhose. Admittedly I haven't worn them since day one, where I took them off in the bathroom about 2:00p.m. I put them in my purse (why did I do THAT?!) They are at home and I don't think I'll be wearing them any time soon.

Makeup. On Good Friday I went to church by myself. It was my decision. I was able to pray better and longer than I have in years, but I was missing my kids. Every time I looked up there was another homeschooling family. The tears started to come, then wouldn't stop. I asked the little old lady next to me if she had a tissue. She gave me the only one she had. I was sniffling and trying to keep my mascara from running so I don't wind up looking like Alice Cooper circa 1980! After a while the lady next to me asked the one behind us if she had any tissues because she didn't think I would make it on just hers. I made a complete fool of myself, I tried to get out of there without talking to anyone, but that is impossible. When I didn't wear stinking makeup all the time I could cry and not worry about what I look like!

Shaving my legs. Most of you know how much I HATE shaving my legs. The pits get shaved daily, I'm not European, the legs I let go for as long as I can stand it. I have shaved my legs four times in two weeks!!!! I can't stand it!!! I am the girl that shaved in September, for my brother's wedding, then didn't shave again until some time in March. That was after Robert woke up one morning and screamed, "AAARRRGGGHHH!! There's a man in our bed!!" That, and I just couldn't bare to wear shorts looking like Yeti.

Rush hour traffic. Wow, I haven't missed it. I am not usually one to engage in road rage, but I'm being pushed to my limit. Son #1 commented that I had yelled at another driver the other day and how unusual that was. I didn't tell him about the day when a lady cut me off who had a breast cancer pink ribbon bumper sticker. It was a VERY close call. I yelled, "Get breast cancer and die!" Definitely not one of my finer moments.

Everyone is alive

Well, there was the yelling and the screaming when Robert got home and saw the window of the van. All children were allowed to live, tho' Robert did tell me, "#1's life is over. He's going to be my bitch for a long, long time." I asked if he had said that on his own or if he'd heard #1 say it. They both had the same thought independantly, that truly frightens me.

We went to the Diamondbacks game last night. It was so much fun. Robert and the kids took the bus to the game & I left my car in the garage. When we were going home I took the kids upstairs so they could see where Mama works. They were suitably impressed.

Time to get back to work...will post more later.

HAPPY EASTER!...Or how to keep my husband from killing my boys

The Lord has risen! My boys may soon be in their graves.

We got up early, Robert made breakfast, the princess hunted eggs with the assistance of her brothers, we went to brunch at Havana Cafe (yum, yum yum, their food is just so good), back to Wawa's for more egg hunting. All in all a very nice day. Robert then drove the ladies to the Casino for the traditional Easter gambling. The kids & I came home. I took a nice nap. The boys were playing outside with their weapons. These weapons are great and I wholly endorse them. They are pvc pipe with pool noodles over them for padding, then the whole things is covered in duct tape for sturdiness. Nice weapons...I even like fighting with them, but then I am a twisted person. Anyway, back to the nap. I woke up to my princess snuggled up next to me and was lying there basking in her beauty when there came shouts from outside. These were not the battle crys that had lulled me to sleep. Then I heard my name. They barged in the house yelling, "Mom, mom, a bad thing happened!!! Did you hear that big crash? At least we can get a free box of Omaha steaks!" This was from son #3. There is an autoglass company that advertises here that when you have them replace your windsheild they will give you a free box of Omaha steaks. You must remember that I am still in that post nap, sleep befuddled haze. It was so nice, I didn't want to leave it. I got up, went outside and found that the entire back window of the van had shattered!!

Apparently they were fighting, #3 was by the van, #1 threw a rock, #3 had the audacity to duck, bumping into the window, the rock thrown by #1 hit said window and shattered it.

I called my dad. He is calling autoglass places. We are cleaning up the mess. #1 said, "I'm gonna be Papa's bitch for a long time, huh?"

He couldn't be more right.

I still have no idea how to save my sons.

Day One

April 2, 2007

So I'm off to work. Not even Katie seems too distressed, which is good, but everyone is acting like life is normal. It is sssoooooooo not normal for me. I go to work with visions of Robert cleaning the house & having a nice dinner made when I get home. You may scoff, but he would do it just to show me how easy it is. He is more task oriented than I...a fact he reminds me of often.

Orientation all day, no biggie. They just fill my head with lots of fluffy information, give me WAY too many papers, and have me watch some videos. People here seem to be overly happy with their jobs. I've had multitudes tell me what a fabulous and fun place this is to work. It is a little creepy to me. I understand the "pump up the new meat mentality", but please. People have even stopped me while walking down the hall to tell me how great it is. Weird.

Rob't calls in the late afternoon to ask me to pick up some things for dinner. Asks me to get veggie stuff for our mexican pizza's he is making. As I smirk to myself, I told him no problem. Far be it from me to complain about stopping at the store after work. How many times had I asked him to do it & he bitched or said no? How many you ask? Let's just say that I don't have that many fingers or toes. I don't have that many leg hairs for that matter! During our phone call he says...and I quote..."We have a little bit of cheese." I ask if he wants me to get some. His only reply is something to the kids about homework. Again I ask if I should get cheese too. He says, "The veggies are good."

I drive home and am tired, really tired. I miss my afternoon naps with Kate. Not that I took them everyday (really Robert I didn't), but I could have used one today. I stop at the store to get the veggies, I wonder if I should get cheese, but no, he said just the veggies.

Walk in the door. The house is basically in the same shape as when I left. The two little ones attack me and ask about my day. AAWWW they do love me! Rob't is standing by the stove looking frazzled. I give him the groceries and lay down in bed with Kate. The man is muttering and then yells, "WHERE'S THE CHEESE?!" The following insanity ensues:

Me: I didn't get cheese, you told me not to.

Him: I told you that we only had a little cheese.

Me: But you said to only get the veggies.

Him: We need cheese, go to the store and get some.

Note: he would almost NEVER go to the store after coming home from work.

Me: *Sigh* Fine I'll go. *I get up and change my shoes.*

Him: CHEESE!!!!!!

Me: *walking into the kitchen* Do you want me to go now and get cheese?

Him: *shaking the bag of cheese*

Me: What does that mean? Should I go or not?

Him: *growing increasingly whinier* But the cheese.

Me: Yeeees...Do you want me to go right now and get it?

Him: *pouty voice* We'll just use what is here.

Dinner was lovely. And yes...there was enough cheese.

Am I Wrong?!?

It never fails. Within 15 minutes of Robert leaving to take the kids to school, he has to call me.

What's up with that? I thought it was cute at first. Now...not so much.

Today, being Good Friday, the kids are not going to school, but with my sister. They, however, are meeting at school to make the switch. Rob't. calls me asking me to call school to let them know the boys won't be there.

HE'S GOING TO BE AT SCHOOL!!!!!!!

I calmly stated that fact, and that he could simply pop his head in the office and inform them. He didn't like that idea.

He has things to do today.

I reminded him that I, also, had things to do today. Things relating to my ass being an ATM machine. Gotta stock the machine dontcha know.

When we hung up, he didn't say he would go to the school office. I didn't say I would call. He didn't seem so happy.

Am I wrong?