Wednesday, December 31, 2008
We went to ride the lightrail on opening day. We headed out to Christown...I know it has a different name, I just don't know what it is! That being the begining of the lightrail line. They were having quite the festival. Food booths, a stage with men singing old songs, general carnival like atmosphere. Katie was so excited to ride. When we approached the line, it was more like Disneyland than a carnival. There was a two and a half hour wait to ride the stinking thing!!!!!!
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Not long after my last post, my home life, which had been progressively becoming less satisfying, abruptly (after some drastic action on my part) took a turn for the better. Try a 180. I just about got whiplash! Actually not whiplash but a massive case of anxiety. Here I was with harmony in my home for the first time in...wellll...years, a job I like, fantastic kids and constant anxiety attacks! I really wasn't fair. One would think that the AA would happen when things are bad right? Oh, no. Not me! But then ask Dr. Moore (my pediatrician when I was a little girl) I've always been weird.
I was muddling through work, barely. Easy tasks, such as filing, were beginning to confound me. The old brain just shut down. I was able to avoid turning into crazy, angry lady again, tho' it was a near thing near the end there. The problem was that my psycho nurse switched practices and the MD type I see has NO CLUE about psycho meds. I eventually wound up taking a week off to find a new psycho and get on new meds. My mother asked how I planned to get in to a new psycho in only a week. My response was because I willed it so.
I spent all Monday on the phone and was beginning to despair. Tuesday the kids were off school, so we went and played...that my friends is better than all the psychos in the universe. While on our tri-city playing tour I got a call that one of the psychos could see me Thursday! Yippee!!!!!
I went to see her...she really wanted to diagnose me as bi-polar. I've been through that with the first psycho...I'm SOOOOOOO not bi-polar. But I really don't care what she wants to call me, as long as she gives me drugs that work. She did, I am taking them & am back to normal...well form me anyway...which is pretty f-ing weird in the first place.
The next week, when I got back to work, I had an appointment with my supervisor. No big deal, she is cool, but it was a little curious, since I'd been languishing on the job for quite some time. And, you know, recession and all, yadda yadda. I meet with her at the appointed time, she asks how I am then asks if I want the desktop publishing position. DOES THE POPE SHIT IN THE WOODS? IS A BEAR CATHOLIC?
I had been mentioning for the past year that I wanted that position. When I say mentioning, I mean bugging, nagging, telling everyone that would listen that I wanted it. I made sure to bring it up to the powers that be as often as possible...FOR A YEAR. I guess they were finally fed up with the lady that had taken it over and were willing to give me a shot. The plan was to start training that Thursday...this was Monday, remember.
Tuesday, when I got in to work, I had frantic e-mails & voice mails from my supervisor. There was a desktop emergency (doesn't that bring to mind files on fire or rodents and insects scurrying all over the place? WTH is a desktop emergency anyway?) and the other lady wasn't in. She asked if I would be willing to jump in and take care of it. See above re: the Pope & the bear. I did, I found a document that no one could tell the locations for, made edits to said document in a program that I had never even heard of before and got it sent back to the requester in record time. From that moment on I was the new desktop person...the other lady found out...the next day...when she came back in.
I love my job!!!! I get paid to play with pictures all day long. I get paid to teach myself really groovy new software programs. I almost feel guilty about taking money for it...almost. I'm feeling an awful lot like Br'er Rabbit...I finally got thrown into my briar patch!
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Reasons I like the bus:
- I get my exercise by walking to and from the bus.
- During the monsoon I got to walk in all kinds of wild weather conditions. I never did get rained on tho' darnnit.
- Now that the kids are back in school I get to play with them on the bus for a short time.
- Lots of photo opportunities! (See my Facebook bus album)
- I put my makeup on while riding. This is ever so much safer than putting makeup on while driving.
- I plug in to my Pod and read a book. Not a bad way to spend 30-45 minutes.
- All the new friends I get to meet!
- Retarded Monkey Spandex Man...whose name is Richard I found out today.
- Lots of photo opportunities!
- So many stories.
- So many sights.
- So many smells.
- The lack of monotony. In the car it is just me. On the bus I get to see different things all the time.
- Public transit is a veritable socioeconomic melting pot. You have the rich & poor all together in an uncomfortable, cramped, noisy space.
- Getting up close and personal with my fellow man (sometimes WAY TOO up close).
- Constant opportunities to laugh. Just the other day a very large woman of color got on the bus with what appeared to be about 2 dozen bags hanging off her arms. She was a plastic sack tree. She did not appear to be homeless, but damn she had a lot of bags. She was wearing a pretty lavender shirt that was 2 sizes too small. It did not come down anywhere approaching her waistband. She didn't have a waist...she had a belly. Her belly dunlapped over her belt. I was frightened. I still have a belly albeit a much smaller one. I have the good sense to keep it covered up!
Anyway, you get the idea. The whole thing just cracks me up. There is something funny every single day. I love walking from the the bus into my office in the morning. For some reason that jaunt from Van Buren to Washington, while listening to my tunes, just makes me so happy. Sometimes I want to barf because I feel like Mary Tyler Moore. If I had a hat I would throw it.
Sad, but true. Up next...Unintentional Exercise or Bus Misadventures
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Monday, August 11, 2008
- "The Pants with Nobody Inside Them" has left massive emotional scars on the boy,
- you don't introduce your teenager by your adorable nickname for him
- when introducing him to lots of different people, change the script periodically...apparently I said the same thing to everyone...or be subjected to merciless mocking.
We went back with the group in time to learn what is done in a law firm and then they heard the story of "The People vs. Joey Wolfcrier". This was a mock-trial that the kids got to put on. They received their rolls and split up. While the "actors" were learning their parts, the "jury" was being prepped.
This is our courtroom:Which bff disrupted so the Judge could bang her gavel. None of the kids really knew what she was doing tho...#2 just thought she was being a moron.
The jury went to deliberate, when they returned it was a hung jury. All but one of them thought Joey was innocent. The lone guilty vote was none other than my #3.
Thursday, August 7, 2008
The morning began well. #3, who is his mother's child and does a fabulous "bear in deep winter" impersonation, bounded out of bed shortly after 6 a.m., followed by #2 who had slept on the couch...in his clothes. #1 had to be coaxed from his slumber but was pleasant...until...he remember we were taking the dreaded bus to work!!!!!! This strapping, 15 year old, football playing, young man began whining like a two year old at nap time.
Here is a picture of me, tho, it doesn't show what I am doing...putting on my makeup. Yes, I sit on a bus bench, on one of the most congested streets in the city, and do my face...I am a looser...what can I say.
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
I'm not a work-a-holic (stop, just pick yourself back up and keep reading) but I'm getting paid an exorbitant amount of money to hold a chair down, print emails, answer the phone the 1.2 times it rings and the attorney-du-jour can't answer it, and monitor the secretary's email so she doesn't come back to too many firm bulletins and Viagra adds. I think team secretary is just code for an insidious experiment to ascertain the time it takes for roots to form between my ass and the chair and how many times I can bang my head against a keyboard without getting irreparable brain damage.
The last assignment I had lasted over a month and they actually gave me work to do. I didn't have time to blog, let alone much of anything else. In that time there was no moss growing down south, let alone roots. I loved it. They actually acknowledged that I had a brain, and let me use it. Now, 4 working days later, I feel like retarded monkey spandex man could do my job. I feel like a fraud. I am wasting my life for money, when I could be actually raising my children. I would pay to be home with them. I'm coming up with creative time wasters for probably more money than teachers, policemen, firemen, etc. make. I don't know that for sure, but damn I make too much for days like today. This is wrong
Going to lunch before I depress everyone more. Bleh.
Monday, June 16, 2008
As the darlings whipped themselves into a frenzy, I tell #3 that he'd better stop annoying the princess. His reply? "She's just a stupid girl!" To which I, oh soooo maturely state, "Well you're a stupid boy." His eyes narrowed and he growled "You're a stupid mom."
In case you are worried...I did not beat him to death. I would have liked to, but I refrained.
I did, however, pulled off the highway onto the first dirt road I could find. Stopped the car, hauled his butt out and plopped him down on a rock. I stood there glaring at him while the cars whipped by, silently contemplating the advisability of a beating in full view of traffic. I decided that discretion was the better part of parenting and tried talking to him. We talked and hugged and got back in and started moving down the road. I was musing to myself about how miserable the trip home would be if everyone stayed as irritable as they were, when we passed a dead elk on the side of the road.
At the nearest turn off to said elk, I pulled in, told everyone to get out of the car to check out the carcass. Some were interested, some not so much, but trudging down the road we went. About 200 yards later we came upon the desiccated elk. It obviously had been hit on the right flank and then chewed upon, the entire chest and abdomen, though, had not been touched. That spot on its spine was munched, as well as the flesh removed from its lower jaw. Other than that it was largely intact. The kids didn't want to get close to it (which is a really good thing). I did happen to lean over and get a good look at the fact that it was missing an eyeball! It was completely gross. We took a bunch of pictures and finally left.
Every one's attitude was much improved after our little field trip.
Let's hear it for the power of roadkill!!!!!
Thursday, May 29, 2008
It was Memorial Weekend. We went out of town. I did well until around Sunday afternoon and just slapped on the feed bag.
My final downfall was MIL wanting to go to Village Inn after I picked her up on Tuesday evening. I went in fully intending to not order anything for myself and having a bite or two from what the kids got. When I walked in the door there was a pie in the display case that immediately started calling to me. A Hawaiian strawberry pie.
it looked like dog food next to the Hawaiian. I kept trying to resist...then the waiter came to take our order. I caved. It was so good. I did only eat half of it. I kind of felt yucky afterward, but it was tasty.
Friday, May 9, 2008
Anyhoo. I hate wearing the boot. It isn’t fun, tho it does seem to be helping. I decided not to wear it today, to see how it would do. Before lunch I put it back on. But I finally realized why I don’t want to wear it.
I’M NOT A CRIPPLE!!!!
When I wear it I look like a cripple.
I walk like a cripple: If I’m not careful I will slam the ankle of my good foot on the hard plastic edge of the boot. This is not comfy and especially attractive when blood runs down my leg. So I have to sort of swing the good leg out to avoid doing this. Hey! If I bend over I could look like Quasimodo!.
I sound like a cripple: Step……thunk. Step…..thunk. Step….thunk.
I’M NOT A FREAKING CRIPPLE. I can do anything I want to, with the exception of run very far or fast. But who wants to run anyway?
On the way home from football practice last night #3 and I were by ourselves. I told him of a situation at work with a guy that is creeping me out. I started telling him that the guy is pretty weird, but we have fun saying silly things when we see each other…but he is an odd guy. #3 stopped me and said, “Mom, remember, in first grade, when I was mean to Tyler and you told me that was bad? You told me to be nice to him. This guy might be your Tyler.” That just put me in my place. Then I told him that this guy has been saying some things lately that are really starting to creep me out. Again he stopped me by saying, “Mama, you should just do what I do when kids are saying bad things on the playground. I say Jesus doesn’t want us to sin.” I am amazed an in awe of this little guy. I guess I’m not a failure.
When telling #1 about it this morning (he got the more in depth version) he told me I should call the cops.
I guess somewhere in the middle is the answer.
Friday, May 2, 2008
Cut to present day.
I've been noticing that things are fuzzier than normal. I have to squint and move the paper back and forth when reading small print. But I don't need glasses. My eyes are fine. I'm not that old. Pay no attention to the grey hair...wait, it's not grey hair, it is highlights...yeah...highlights...platimum blonde highlights are what they are called.
Well, the attorney-du-jour gave me some documents to revise the other day. The came from a client and were in 9 point font. Normal font size is 12, so there is quite a difference. Combine that with the scribbling that said attorney made all over the paper and it was a difficult task. When I showed the mess I had to work with to other secretaries they groaned and said things like, "Better you than me." "Good luck with that." And my personal favorite, "HA!!!" I had 6 of these suckers to do! My eyes were crossing, but I finally got them done. I said to myself, "Self, maybe you should see about glasses, it might make the strain on our eyes less." Myself said, "Shut your hole, bitch! We are not that old!" Myself is a cranky one...potty mouth too. The next morning, when I arrived, on my chair was another document to revise. This one complete with tiny font, ADJ's scratchings, but to perfect my eyestrain it came in colors. The document had been created with track changes turned on. I HATE TRACK CHANGES! So I had to look at not just tiny black type, but red and blue as well. I got 2 pages into it, stomped downstairs (with my eyes streaming), lay prostrate at my BFF's feet and begged her to borrow her reading glasses.
The piece de resistance in the whole humiliating experience was when I tried them on and she said, "Oh! Don't wear them yet, they make you look old."
What is a BFF for, hhhmmmmm?
Thursday, May 1, 2008
His confirmation name is Joseph. When I asked why he picked Joseph, the reply was, "Well, Joseph is Jesus' step-father. I figured that if anyone could help me to be close to Jesus, he could."
Today is the feast of St. Joseph the Worker. I emailed DM to tell #3 that. #3 has football practice this evening. His reply was, "I'll fight for him in football."
Gotta love 9 year old boys!
If only my ankle were numb.
Yesterday it was sore, so I wore my good shoes, for which I have a note from my chiropractor in order to wear at work. By lunch time it hurt so much I was nauseaus. I took my magical meds to no effect. On the way home I called the chiro to discuss it and we were befuddled. It hurts more when elevated, but doesn't hurt more when walking on it. Very strange. I called DM to get me the cowboy cure...BOOZE. He procured rum & mojito mix. I didn't drink enough. By 10 that night I was debating whether I should go to ER or not. I hate the ER...hospitals are no place for people! Anyway, I stuck my foot in a bucket of ice water (again) and froze it solid and was finally able to sleep.
This morning when I awoke it still hurt, just not as much as last night. Saw the chiro again and we decided that I must have strained my talofibular ligament. When she adjusted me, doing a side posture (which we have done dozens of times before) my foot got hung up and pulled a little. Maybe with the mess that is my ankle, it just couldn't take it. Still, very strange.
I called the orthopod, whom I saw in January. Yes January 2008! The soonest they can get me in is Monday. Left like this I will have gnawed my foot off by then. I asked if they could call something in for me or have any other ideas of what to do for the pain. They said (notice the quotes) "We couldn't possibly call anything in for you since it has been so long since you have been here."
Since when is 3 months long?!?!
Medical Pitbull Chick reared her ugly head. It has been a long time since she has surfaced and I would rather she continue to hide in the depths of the abyss that is my soul, but she is useful when needed. "Have the doctor call me then. I have an appointment...ON MONDAY...THAT IS 4 DAYS AWAY...WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO UNTIL THEN? HHHHMMMM?" She hemmed & hawed, but said she would leave a message and took my pharmacy # just in case.
I received a call from his office. Another nurse, who wanted to assure me that they wouldn't call in anything for me...blah, blah, blah. My response was the same. I'm still waiting to hear from them. Notice I'm not holding my breath?
Sure hope I don't have to go in to urgentcare.
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
That boy may be the death of me, or I him. I he lives to adulthood it will be a miracle!
Today started off badly when he told me that he didn't want to eat breakfast at school, just wanted to go play. I told him no, he must eat, he had plenty of time to eat and play. He growled around and finally went into the cafeteria. I didn't leave till I saw him scooting down the line with his tray, milk & utensils.
When I got there to pick him up, his teacher let us come into her room to wait for #2. #3 was so good. He sat right in his desk and did his homework with hardly any prompting from me. I was shocked and amazed.When done, we left to get #2. After a ways I looked back & there's no #3. "#1, go get your brother." He disappears also. A couple minutes later #1 emerges...dragging #3. The latter is mad, he wanted to go to the playground, I said we had to go to the Chiro. He's pissed, won't move, sitting, pouting on the sidewalk. I go over to the little house monkey and he won't get up, won't speak, only grunts. I try to stand him up, no dice, crumples to the ground like a cheap suit. Try again, this time putting my finger like a hook in his armpit and ATTEMPTING to lift him up like that.
Notice I said attempting?
The child is oblivious to pain...unless he chooses not to be. This is why spanking doesn't work with him. In order for it to effect his behavior it would have to be borderline child abuse...seriously. Gotta find some way to discipline him. Any way, I'm getting madder & madder. I finally decided to leave him there, he'll get bored & decide to straighten up.
What a moron I am.
He just stayed there pouting, and making sure to grunt if people walked by. Yes, I am so very proud. I'm glad I've finally gotten over myself and realized that his behavior is a reflection on him, not me. I go back over, try again. Same results. This time I threaten and make even more of an effort to get him moving, he will not. I give him a swat on his bottom, don't care anymore what people will think. He didn't care at all. I had to walk away, I asked my sister to help me & we just walked away from him toward the cars. He did start following, but knew we were watching him, so made sure to keep his distance. I took all the others to the cars and she went back for him. Surely he wouldn't behave that way for his Auntie.
See above moron comment.
She DRAGGED him into the office and told the secretary that I would be in later to get him. Picture this, a woman who is 6 months pregnant, dragging a 5 year old dead weight that is grunting, squealing and grabbing on to anything that he can.
He is very strong.
I wait till all the traffic has gone (about 10 minutes) and go in the office.
"Are you ready to come with me?"
"We need to go now, get up."
I then take his backpack & say, "Fine, I'm taking this to the car then."
He gets up and follows me. I hug him and sit with him for a while, try to talk to no avail. Let him be, we'll talk later.
When we got home I made him go in his room until dinner. That was a feat in itself. He was apologetic and loving, then when he realized that didn't mean he could come out he freaked all over again.
It wasn't all horrible, he was the sweetest person after dinner. Remorseful & loving. I don't know what to do with him. I will not enable him to turn out like Dean Hoffman! (Dean is a guy that my brother went to highschool with...a complete sociopath)
Talk about a trip down memory lane. He really isn't nearly that bad anymore. Maybe he is learning to use his powers for good.
Monday, April 14, 2008
They are just too smart!
Saturday, April 5, 2008
Yesterday, on the way to work, found herself in the unfortunate situation of having to walk to the gas station for some fuel to start the car. While on this walk, someone in a car driving by honked his horn and shouted "lift your shirt!"
If she had told me this in person I would have high-fived her. While not the type of attention she is hoping for, it was a validation of all the hard work she has done.
Friday, March 28, 2008
I stopped at the local convenience store to get the all-important caffeine & nicotine. As I walked in, a man, not a disgusting man mind you, he wasn't untie guy, but not homeless or Jaba either. Anyway...this man looked at me (with appreciation in his eyes) and said "Good Morning, you are looking great today!" Idle chitchat followed as we poured our beverages of choice. I paid and as I walked out the door he made sure to say goodbye from across the store.
This does not sound like anything earth shattering, I realize, but damn it made my day!
You must realize, Dear Reader, that I am the same woman whom Driven Man awakened Tuesday afternoon, from a allergy induced nap, with the following.
DM: "Wake up chubby"
SW*: (glaring) "rrrrrrrrrrr"
DM: (gets on the bed w/ the princess) "Princess, don't hurt your mom's big nose."
SW: (smoke pouring out of ears)
DM: "Your mom's nose is an appendage."
Enough with the complaining.
When I got in to work I regaled my BFF with the convenience store incident. As I walked away a co-worker stopped me and said, "You look so cute today! Why are you so dressed up? It is Friday!"
Later, I was looking for something in the filing cabinet. For some reason the previous secretary liked all the files down low. The upper cabinets are empty...the lower ones full...curious. ANYWAY! I'm bent over the lowest filing cabinet. I thought to myself, "Self, this might not be the greatest position to be in with my arse in the air." I answered, "Well, it is hard to squat, especially in these boots & besides, this corner is deserted." Just then I hear a voice, "This job may suck sometimes, but the fringe benefits are great!" It was the friendly, freaky mail room guy. He had rolled his cart up to my desk while I was embroiled in the conversation with my self so I didn't hear him.
Three compliments in one day & it wasn't even 10:00 a.m.
How great is that?!
Thursday, March 27, 2008
with a tie draped around his neck. How much hotter would he be? Tons.
The reason is I'm even posting this is because I rode the elevator with a guy wearing an untie. I was drooling & barely able to exit when the doors opened.
Can you tell where my mental state is? Yes I am pathetic, but he was yummy!
Monday, March 10, 2008
You've heard me say it before, but I don't think you can comprehend the bone deep truth of that title.
A couple of weeks ago, DM had purchased rubber cockroaches and hid them all over the house. When I went to the bathroom, one lept out of the toilet paper holder. One was sitting on the crockpot covered with a cup. Another was in the soap scrunchy when I showered. My wallet, etc.
I decided that I could have a little fun with them too. My desk sits at the end of a hallway and I can see anyone coming and going from the women's bathroom, copy room and galley. Around 10 a.m. I took one of the revolting little suckers and put it in the cup dispenser. It is the kind with horizontal cup dispensers, you pull one out and the next one pops into place. I placed it on top of the cup in the top dispenser, so that the next person to take a cup would have it spring out at them.
Then I waited.
Nothing happened for quite a while. People kept coming and going, but there was no indication of anything awry. Right before lunch two men, that I had never seen before, left the galley giggling slightly. When they were gone I had to check. It was laying in plain view on the counter next to the soda machine. I was so pleased, the fun was about to begin! Or so I thought. When I came back from lunch it was still sitting in the same spot. For the next three hours I observed multitudes of people going in and out of that room without any reaction whatsoever!!!!! Not a squeak, shudder, scream or even a glance back over their shoulder on the way out the door. NOTHING!!!!!! I did check a couple of times and it was still in the same spot on the counter. At 4:30 a lady that I really like went into the galley, I figured that she would have some reaction. NOTHING!! When she left I did another check and it was still there. As I left at 5 it was finally gone.
I do not understand these people! They really are dead! I am ready to chew my own arm off! My mind is turning to jello. I'm thinking about faking a seizure in the middle of the hallway to see if anyone would notice.
The good news is that, while writing this, I overheard people saying that a new secretary has been hired for the attorney du jure. She will start in two weeks! Hopefully I will go to a different floor soon!
Friday, March 7, 2008
Should it be the new additions to our home...Pablo Pigcaso & Sir Alec Guinea?
What about my failed attempt to liven up the morgue?
While I contemplate you must read this: http://derfwadmanor.blogspot.com/2008/03/newly-wed.html Very fun and spot on advice for a newly wed. Better than a letter opener in DM's ocular cavity. To be fair, we had a fantastic day together as a family...the lot of us. Very fun.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
I keep wearing the fat clothes, because, well, who has the money to buy new work clothes? I have a couple of skirts that are loose enough I'm beginning to fear they will fall off. What does is say about me that I'm hoping that happens? It would be completely different from the eyeliner/mooning incident chronicled in Humiliations Galore. It would be conformation of my ongoing achievement. (Seeing how the world would end if DM ever acknowledged it.) Or maybe I'm just a closet, or not so closet (WOULD YOU SHUT THE FREAKING DOOR?!?) exhibitionist. I can see it now! I get out of my desk in the morgue. I walk toward the boss du jure's office. My feet tangle in the skirt around my ankles and I fall KATHUNK to the floor. No one would notice as this is the morgue & I am the only one who is capable of human emotion or aware of their surroundings. Kicking off the blessedly offending skirt I do move like this:
Well, the add a photo feature is not working...imagine a kid breakdancing...imagine me break dancing. Eewww never mind, don't do that. We might hurt something.
So, anyway, back to the reason for this post. No really, I'm not ADHD!
I went out for a break...yes to smoke & read...(take that DM)...on my way back in I was engrossed in my book. Since having been a highly accomplished read-walker since I began to read, I was doing just that. As I approached the glass doors I heard someone behind me. I glanced at the door to see who was behind me and how far away they were when I saw the reflection of a nice looking woman. It still amazes me how fast the human mind can process information. What happened inside my head goes something like this:
Wow, she looks good
dark wavy hair
just like me
THAT IS ME!!!
DAMN!!!!!! I LOOK GOOD!!!!
Oh, there's a blond lady behind me carrying two Starbucks cups. I should open the door for her. I guess she looks good too.
I guess I am now truly embracing my new found sveltitude.
Monday, February 25, 2008
I joined WeightWatchers inadvertently. I wanted to learn more because my BFF, who happens to work at the same company I do, has been doing it. I needed to learn about it so I could keep talking to her. Everything was points this and points that. They had a deal where you get a free week membership in their online program. I had to enter my card info, since at the end of the week they charge for a 3 month membership. I thought, "No problem, I'll just cancel before the week is up." HA!!!! I am now $70 poorer, but 5 1/2 pounds lighter!!! I figured that if I paid the $, I may as well work the program. The funny thing is, it really does work. I'm not feeling deprived or hungry and it is helping me change the way I think about food.
Today we had a secretarial meeting and they had bagels for us. I just grabbed a bottle of water and sat down. When people started asking why I wasn't eating (was I not feeling well?) I smiled and said, "I lost 2 1/2 lbs. this week, that feels better than any bagel tastes."
Sunday, January 13, 2008
The grooviest thing about the goggles was that mine kept fogging up like my face was Manila. Every once in a while I'd pull them out away from my face and let them dry out. The only thing that made me nervous at all was wondering if they'd get all fogged up while I was flying and then I wouldn't be able to see anything. I did wonder if it would be difficult to breathe, but figured it couldn't be too bad if people do it all the time.
Watching everyone else was neat, but I was so anxious to get in there. It seemed like their flights were so short.
I was glad too because I was tired. The force of the wind on my body, shoulders especially, was tiring. I remember wondering why my turn seemed so much longer than everyone else's. Then I remembered that I had the deluxe package and my flights were 2 minutes where everyone else had only 1 minute...that would make a difference.
We rotated through and all got our second turns. The next time in I started experimenting on my own with changing the position of my arms and legs. The straighter my legs were the higher I would go, more bent, the lower, till I was almost resting on the mesh bottom. At one point I was about 7 feet up and started spinning and spinning. I was not happy when the instructor stopped me. By the time my time was up I was glad, I was really tired. As the instructor moved me toward the door I reached out (wasn't supposed to do that) and went spinning off away from the door. It was really fun. I can't wait to do it again!!
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
The associate that I am currently working for is at my desk looking through her mail. This lady is awesome, very un-attorney like. At a party we had she would rather play with the kids that were there than mingle with co-workers. My kind of people...anyway, on with the humiliation.
We are talking and going through mail, I'm looking down and OUT OF NOWHERE I FART!!! I am the queen of the SBD and if I let one of those go, I could pretend not to notice it or blame the secretary next to me. This was loud. Nothing ground shaking or gross, but a nice resounding TOOT.
What to do? How do I downplay this? Yes, I'm with ubercoolattorneylady but geesh! I AM NOT A BOY!!! I AM NOT MY MOTHER!!! Or my grandmother for that matter. I CANNOT be proud of what I just did! It was too noticeable for me to ignore tho'. We both looked up at each other at the same time. She asked, "Was that..?" I just nodded, I could tell I was starting to turn red & put my head down on my desk, willing myself not to blush. When one blushes one just makes matters that much worse. We were just giggling and giggling. She kept stammering, "...I can't believe it...you made my day..." As she walked back to her office, shoulders still shaking, she said, "It is nice to know that everyone is human."
That it is. Laughing is good, laughing at yourself is even better. When I post this I will be sending her this little tidbit that someone sent me...very appropriate:
- A lady walks into Tiffany's. She browses around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more closely she inadvertently farts. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and prays that a salesperson doesn't pop up right now. As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her. Cool as a cucumber and displaying complete professionalism, the salesman greets the lady with, 'Good day, madam. How may we help you today?' Very uncomfortably, but hoping that the salesman may not have been there at the time of her little 'accident', she asks, 'Sir, what is the price of this lovely bracelet?' He answers, 'Madam, if you farted just looking at it, you're going to shit when I tell you the price!!'