Friday, May 2, 2008

I won't go gracefully into that good night

I have always prided myself on the fact that I have good eyesight. Not that I really have anything to do with it. There has always been this secret smugness inside of me as more and more people I know need glasses. When DM got glasses I giggled. When he needed bifocals I chortled. I'm married to an old man...hee, hee, hee.

Cut to present day.

I've been noticing that things are fuzzier than normal. I have to squint and move the paper back and forth when reading small print. But I don't need glasses. My eyes are fine. I'm not that old. Pay no attention to the grey hair...wait, it's not grey hair, it is highlights...yeah...highlights...platimum blonde highlights are what they are called.

Well, the attorney-du-jour gave me some documents to revise the other day. The came from a client and were in 9 point font. Normal font size is 12, so there is quite a difference. Combine that with the scribbling that said attorney made all over the paper and it was a difficult task. When I showed the mess I had to work with to other secretaries they groaned and said things like, "Better you than me." "Good luck with that." And my personal favorite, "HA!!!" I had 6 of these suckers to do! My eyes were crossing, but I finally got them done. I said to myself, "Self, maybe you should see about glasses, it might make the strain on our eyes less." Myself said, "Shut your hole, bitch! We are not that old!" Myself is a cranky one...potty mouth too. The next morning, when I arrived, on my chair was another document to revise. This one complete with tiny font, ADJ's scratchings, but to perfect my eyestrain it came in colors. The document had been created with track changes turned on. I HATE TRACK CHANGES! So I had to look at not just tiny black type, but red and blue as well. I got 2 pages into it, stomped downstairs (with my eyes streaming), lay prostrate at my BFF's feet and begged her to borrow her reading glasses.

The piece de resistance in the whole humiliating experience was when I tried them on and she said, "Oh! Don't wear them yet, they make you look old."

What is a BFF for, hhhmmmmm?

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