Monday, June 16, 2008

The Grossest Mom Ever!!!

Or: How to Snap Your Kids Out of a Bad Attitude.

So, we actually went camping for a little while this weekend. We left home at noon on Saturday and left the campsite about the same time Sunday. Was it worth it you ask? Oh my yes!!! I love the drive and the desert was absolutely beautiful. It was cool up there (it is becoming sweltering in the valley) and the air smells so good.
While breaking camp yesterday I had planned to go to Ryan's Ranch to play before making the drive back down the mountain. My children had other ideas. #2 decided that he wantedtogohomerightnow and got the princess in the car and asked her to get her seat belt on. The princess is adverse to taking direction from anyone, most especially #2. I'm not sure why this is, he is the sweetest and most mellow of my boys, but that is neither here nor there. The wailing ensued. There was touching and crying and "justgetyourseatbelton!" and wailing and hitting and "#2hurtme!!!" and wailing and wailing. I finally got #2 out of the car, calmed him down and told him he could sit in the front seat with me. I told the princess to straighten up and to not be such a....brat, yeah, that's the word...brat. I decided that we would just go home instead of Ryan's Ranch. I moved #3 next to the princess and he began grumbling to her, she got louder in her protests until I hear "HEWONTLEAVEMEALONE!!!!" I glanced back to see #3 slowly slide one finger onto her car seat. As the tormentor of younger siblings myself, I can understand the perverse pleasure in such an action. Now a mother myself, and the operator of a ton of metal, I can understand why my mom would do her Linda Blair impression in such circumstances.

As the darlings whipped themselves into a frenzy, I tell #3 that he'd better stop annoying the princess. His reply? "She's just a stupid girl!" To which I, oh soooo maturely state, "Well you're a stupid boy." His eyes narrowed and he growled "You're a stupid mom."

In case you are worried...I did not beat him to death. I would have liked to, but I refrained.

I did, however, pulled off the highway onto the first dirt road I could find. Stopped the car, hauled his butt out and plopped him down on a rock. I stood there glaring at him while the cars whipped by, silently contemplating the advisability of a beating in full view of traffic. I decided that discretion was the better part of parenting and tried talking to him. We talked and hugged and got back in and started moving down the road. I was musing to myself about how miserable the trip home would be if everyone stayed as irritable as they were, when we passed a dead elk on the side of the road.

At the nearest turn off to said elk, I pulled in, told everyone to get out of the car to check out the carcass. Some were interested, some not so much, but trudging down the road we went. About 200 yards later we came upon the desiccated elk. It obviously had been hit on the right flank and then chewed upon, the entire chest and abdomen, though, had not been touched. That spot on its spine was munched, as well as the flesh removed from its lower jaw. Other than that it was largely intact. The kids didn't want to get close to it (which is a really good thing). I did happen to lean over and get a good look at the fact that it was missing an eyeball! It was completely gross. We took a bunch of pictures and finally left.

Every one's attitude was much improved after our little field trip.

Let's hear it for the power of roadkill!!!!!