Friday, March 28, 2008

I may get a swelled head!

Sveltitude baby. It's working.

I stopped at the local convenience store to get the all-important caffeine & nicotine. As I walked in, a man, not a disgusting man mind you, he wasn't untie guy, but not homeless or Jaba either. Anyway...this man looked at me (with appreciation in his eyes) and said "Good Morning, you are looking great today!" Idle chitchat followed as we poured our beverages of choice. I paid and as I walked out the door he made sure to say goodbye from across the store.

This does not sound like anything earth shattering, I realize, but damn it made my day!

You must realize, Dear Reader, that I am the same woman whom Driven Man awakened Tuesday afternoon, from a allergy induced nap, with the following.

DM: "Wake up chubby"
SW*: (glaring) "rrrrrrrrrrr"
DM: (gets on the bed w/ the princess) "Princess, don't hurt your mom's big nose."
SW: (smoke pouring out of ears)
DM: "Your mom's nose is an appendage."
*SW= Sveltitude Woman
I did not acknowledge him with a reply. I know that I cannot enjoy or parent my children from death row, so decided to do or say nothing. When DM took offence at the fact I was not friendly with him, this fell out of his mouth: "It's not my fault that you always wake up grumpy."

Enough with the complaining.

When I got in to work I regaled my BFF with the convenience store incident. As I walked away a co-worker stopped me and said, "You look so cute today! Why are you so dressed up? It is Friday!"

Later, I was looking for something in the filing cabinet. For some reason the previous secretary liked all the files down low. The upper cabinets are empty...the lower ones full...curious. ANYWAY! I'm bent over the lowest filing cabinet. I thought to myself, "Self, this might not be the greatest position to be in with my arse in the air." I answered, "Well, it is hard to squat, especially in these boots & besides, this corner is deserted." Just then I hear a voice, "This job may suck sometimes, but the fringe benefits are great!" It was the friendly, freaky mail room guy. He had rolled his cart up to my desk while I was embroiled in the conversation with my self so I didn't hear him.

Three compliments in one day & it wasn't even 10:00 a.m.

How great is that?!

Thursday, March 27, 2008

There aren't many things hotter...

...than a good looking man with a tie slung over his shoulders, untied.

Now, he does have to start with the looks to begin with. I mean Jaba the Hut, the Staypuff Marshmellow Man or John Belushi wouldn't make me melt wearing an untie. Imagine this guy:

with a tie draped around his neck. How much hotter would he be? Tons.

The reason is I'm even posting this is because I rode the elevator with a guy wearing an untie. I was drooling & barely able to exit when the doors opened.

Can you tell where my mental state is? Yes I am pathetic, but he was yummy!

Monday, March 10, 2008

These people have no pulse!

I work in the morgue.

You've heard me say it before, but I don't think you can comprehend the bone deep truth of that title.

A couple of weeks ago, DM had purchased rubber cockroaches and hid them all over the house. When I went to the bathroom, one lept out of the toilet paper holder. One was sitting on the crockpot covered with a cup. Another was in the soap scrunchy when I showered. My wallet, etc.

I decided that I could have a little fun with them too. My desk sits at the end of a hallway and I can see anyone coming and going from the women's bathroom, copy room and galley. Around 10 a.m. I took one of the revolting little suckers and put it in the cup dispenser. It is the kind with horizontal cup dispensers, you pull one out and the next one pops into place. I placed it on top of the cup in the top dispenser, so that the next person to take a cup would have it spring out at them.

Then I waited.

Nothing happened for quite a while. People kept coming and going, but there was no indication of anything awry. Right before lunch two men, that I had never seen before, left the galley giggling slightly. When they were gone I had to check. It was laying in plain view on the counter next to the soda machine. I was so pleased, the fun was about to begin! Or so I thought. When I came back from lunch it was still sitting in the same spot. For the next three hours I observed multitudes of people going in and out of that room without any reaction whatsoever!!!!! Not a squeak, shudder, scream or even a glance back over their shoulder on the way out the door. NOTHING!!!!!! I did check a couple of times and it was still in the same spot on the counter. At 4:30 a lady that I really like went into the galley, I figured that she would have some reaction. NOTHING!! When she left I did another check and it was still there. As I left at 5 it was finally gone.

I do not understand these people! They really are dead! I am ready to chew my own arm off! My mind is turning to jello. I'm thinking about faking a seizure in the middle of the hallway to see if anyone would notice.

The good news is that, while writing this, I overheard people saying that a new secretary has been hired for the attorney du jure. She will start in two weeks! Hopefully I will go to a different floor soon!

Friday, March 7, 2008

What to do...what to do?

The partners are all in another city for a poohbah meeting. The morgue is more dead than usual. I'm ready to blog, but unsure what to do first.

Should it be the new additions to our home...Pablo Pigcaso & Sir Alec Guinea?

What about my failed attempt to liven up the morgue?

While I contemplate you must read this: Very fun and spot on advice for a newly wed. Better than a letter opener in DM's ocular cavity. To be fair, we had a fantastic day together as a family...the lot of us. Very fun.