There aren't many things hotter...

...than a good looking man with a tie slung over his shoulders, untied.

Now, he does have to start with the looks to begin with. I mean Jaba the Hut, the Staypuff Marshmellow Man or John Belushi wouldn't make me melt wearing an untie. Imagine this guy:

with a tie draped around his neck. How much hotter would he be? Tons.

The reason is I'm even posting this is because I rode the elevator with a guy wearing an untie. I was drooling & barely able to exit when the doors opened.

Can you tell where my mental state is? Yes I am pathetic, but he was yummy!

These people have no pulse!

I work in the morgue.

You've heard me say it before, but I don't think you can comprehend the bone deep truth of that title.

A couple of weeks ago, DM had purchased rubber cockroaches and hid them all over the house. When I went to the bathroom, one lept out of the toilet paper holder. One was sitting on the crockpot covered with a cup. Another was in the soap scrunchy when I showered. My wallet, etc.

I decided that I could have a little fun with them too. My desk sits at the end of a hallway and I can see anyone coming and going from the women's bathroom, copy room and galley. Around 10 a.m. I took one of the revolting little suckers and put it in the cup dispenser. It is the kind with horizontal cup dispensers, you pull one out and the next one pops into place. I placed it on top of the cup in the top dispenser, so that the next person to take a cup would have it spring out at them.

Then I waited.

Nothing happened for quite a while. People kept coming and going, but there was no indication of anything awry. Right before lunch two men, that I had never seen before, left the galley giggling slightly. When they were gone I had to check. It was laying in plain view on the counter next to the soda machine. I was so pleased, the fun was about to begin! Or so I thought. When I came back from lunch it was still sitting in the same spot. For the next three hours I observed multitudes of people going in and out of that room without any reaction whatsoever!!!!! Not a squeak, shudder, scream or even a glance back over their shoulder on the way out the door. NOTHING!!!!!! I did check a couple of times and it was still in the same spot on the counter. At 4:30 a lady that I really like went into the galley, I figured that she would have some reaction. NOTHING!! When she left I did another check and it was still there. As I left at 5 it was finally gone.

I do not understand these people! They really are dead! I am ready to chew my own arm off! My mind is turning to jello. I'm thinking about faking a seizure in the middle of the hallway to see if anyone would notice.

The good news is that, while writing this, I overheard people saying that a new secretary has been hired for the attorney du jure. She will start in two weeks! Hopefully I will go to a different floor soon!

What to do...what to do?

The partners are all in another city for a poohbah meeting. The morgue is more dead than usual. I'm ready to blog, but unsure what to do first.

Should it be the new additions to our home...Pablo Pigcaso & Sir Alec Guinea?

What about my failed attempt to liven up the morgue?

While I contemplate you must read this: http://derfwadmanor.blogspot.com/2008/03/newly-wed.html Very fun and spot on advice for a newly wed. Better than a letter opener in DM's ocular cavity. To be fair, we had a fantastic day together as a family...the lot of us. Very fun.

Embracing my new found sveltitude

This is not an easy task. I still feel somewhat like that gross old fat lady. I am far from my goal weight (which I haven't seen since freshman year...of high school) but I have lost 5 1/2 pounds since joining WW, 12 since the start of the fat burn challenge, and 18 since critical mass. I'm not really sure when critical mass was, but it was within the past year. It was the kind of number that, upon first viewing, makes ones skin flush and blood run cold. It was a number that I had never seen, and will never see again! My clothes are fitting better and I'm able to wear things that I haven't in over a year.

I keep wearing the fat clothes, because, well, who has the money to buy new work clothes? I have a couple of skirts that are loose enough I'm beginning to fear they will fall off. What does is say about me that I'm hoping that happens? It would be completely different from the eyeliner/mooning incident chronicled in Humiliations Galore. It would be conformation of my ongoing achievement. (Seeing how the world would end if DM ever acknowledged it.) Or maybe I'm just a closet, or not so closet (WOULD YOU SHUT THE FREAKING DOOR?!?) exhibitionist. I can see it now! I get out of my desk in the morgue. I walk toward the boss du jure's office. My feet tangle in the skirt around my ankles and I fall KATHUNK to the floor. No one would notice as this is the morgue & I am the only one who is capable of human emotion or aware of their surroundings. Kicking off the blessedly offending skirt I do move like this:
Well, the add a photo feature is not working...imagine a kid breakdancing...imagine me break dancing. Eewww never mind, don't do that. We might hurt something.

So, anyway, back to the reason for this post. No really, I'm not ADHD!

I went out for a break...yes to smoke & read...(take that DM)...on my way back in I was engrossed in my book. Since having been a highly accomplished read-walker since I began to read, I was doing just that. As I approached the glass doors I heard someone behind me. I glanced at the door to see who was behind me and how far away they were when I saw the reflection of a nice looking woman. It still amazes me how fast the human mind can process information. What happened inside my head goes something like this:

Wow, she looks good

dark wavy hair

cow jacket

nice lipstick

just like me

WAIT

THAT IS ME!!!

DAMN!!!!!! I LOOK GOOD!!!!

Oh, there's a blond lady behind me carrying two Starbucks cups. I should open the door for her. I guess she looks good too.

I guess I am now truly embracing my new found sveltitude.

WeightWatchers really works!!

There was a fatburn challenge at work in October. I entered, tried, lost a couple pounds, but nothing good enough to win money in the challenge. Part of my problem was that Driven Man was doing anything he could to undermine me. The other part was that I didn't really have a plan. I "tried to eat better". I didn't want to go on a "diet" because then I would feel denied and then cheat & quit. I wanted to exercise, but couldn't figure it out. Driven Man was so against me joining a gym & so I dragged my feet. After the contest ended, I decided not to care what he thought. I need to exercise, I need to eat better food than the processed, greasy, prepackaged stuff that we have been eating for so long. I decided to take a page from the DM handbook and do what I want without saying anything to him. I signed up at the Bally's by my house. I have been consistently going now for the past few weeks.

I joined WeightWatchers inadvertently. I wanted to learn more because my BFF, who happens to work at the same company I do, has been doing it. I needed to learn about it so I could keep talking to her. Everything was points this and points that. They had a deal where you get a free week membership in their online program. I had to enter my card info, since at the end of the week they charge for a 3 month membership. I thought, "No problem, I'll just cancel before the week is up." HA!!!! I am now $70 poorer, but 5 1/2 pounds lighter!!! I figured that if I paid the $, I may as well work the program. The funny thing is, it really does work. I'm not feeling deprived or hungry and it is helping me change the way I think about food.

Today we had a secretarial meeting and they had bagels for us. I just grabbed a bottle of water and sat down. When people started asking why I wasn't eating (was I not feeling well?) I smiled and said, "I lost 2 1/2 lbs. this week, that feels better than any bagel tastes."