In the new hospital

Mart wasn't feeling well last night, so the doc on call had us come in to the ED to make sure everything was okay. We were thinking more along the lines of infection somewhere. Well it wasn't alright. No infection, but his hemoglobin was very low. It dropped from 9 on Monday to 6 on Friday. This is not good. The nephrologist still hasn't come in yet so I have no idea if this kind of drop is bizarre or not. I mean, is this just a toasted kidney issue or could there be a bleeding issue that we are unaware of? The not knowing really rots. He just began the transfusion about 20 minutes ago. It will take 4 hours to complete and then we have to wait an indeterminate period of time before repeating the labs to see how he is doing. So, as far as we know, he will be spending another night here.
The ED was a special kind of hell for me. The room we were in was so cold and had hard plastic chairs. My butt was dead within two hours of being there! We wound up collecting nearly a dozen blankets. I wound up scooting my chair over to Mart's bed, putting a pillow on it and laying my head on it. So sitting up resting my head on his bed. The reason it is a special kind of hell is because that was the only way I could sleep when I had cardiomyopathy. I couldn't breathe well at all, but especially not while laying down. Last night brought back some really unfriendly memories that had been buried for a good long time.
Well, the boy is sleeping in a Benadryll haze and I have to do homework.
The upside is that the new tower is awesome. All the rooms are private, big and beautiful. The chair bed is relatively comfy and I'm allowed to use the bathroom. The nurses are nice and know their stuff.

I Are A College Student

Since I lost my job in February, and haven't found another yet, I enrolled in Scottsdale Community College. While it is scary, I know that this is what I need to be doing. With most of the first week of classes under my belt, I am really excited. The classes I'm taking, however, do not appear to be that taxing. While this is a good thing for my first semester, especially with the life I have, it feels rather silly. I tested very poorly in math, so am starting at the beginning. All the minions, especially #3, like to remind me that they are in more advanced math classes than me. I'm taking yoga, which is really important for ME, not a mentally challenging class. I'm excited for Spanish. In the past six months it has become glaringly apparent that being bilingual is not just a bonus, but a necessity. Then there is "Strategies for College Success". While the book looks good, the class has mostly been touchy-feely, awkward icebreaker, kindergarten level activities. Today is my graphic art class...I'M SO JAZZED!
The thing I've been pondering, especially with Veritas curriculum nights this week, is how to give myself a Veritas education, even though the classes I'm taking are relatively...meh. I'm thinking it hinges on a phrase that drives all the Veritas minions crazy: SENSE OF WONDER. This will be the key to my getting everything I possibly can in school. To foster that in all areas and really dig deep to maintain it, even if I think some of the things we do are boring or silly. Thankfully I've been gifted with a childlike(ish) sense of wonder in life as it is.
Here I go!

This is only a test

I have school in the morning, and still I can't sleep.

Since it had been so long since I updated this thing, when I posted the other day I was surprised that it came up on FB as a "note". And not a link to my blog. While this is a rather silly peeve, I decided to see if I could correct it. This post is the test to see if I was successful.

Joshie and Mart have a blood test to see if Joshie's kidney would play nice inside Mart's body. THAT is a post for another time.

School rocks. I can't wait to actually learn something. I'm pondering how I could create a Veritas type education for myself while taking relatively banal classes at SCC. "Sense of Wonder" keeps coming to mind.

Just for the sheer randomness of it, here is a picture of me riding the Sky Cycle at the Arizona Science Center. It was S O M U C H F U N!!!!!

Life Moves Pretty Fast

“Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while you could miss it.” Ferris Bueller
My life moves so fast. DM and I have been separated for quite some time now. The kids and I have moved three times, #2 went on dialysis, and I lost my job in February. #2 is now on the transplant list, tho’ at this point he has 99% antibodies (not a good thing). It is only by the grace of God that we are surviving financially.
My kids help me stop and look around all the time. Without them I would be in the funny farm. We really do have such fun together.
Now, I’m starting school in two days. I’ve worked really hard to find a job to no avail. This whole school thing just fell into my lap, classes came together & financial aid is paying for all of it. I’m taking that as a sign that this is God’s will for me and am just doing it. I’m mostly excited and a little nervous. I love the fact that #1 and I will be at the same school. We even have a friendly wager as to who will have the better gpa at the semester. The loser will take the winner to a dinner of her choice. (Yes her choice…I’m going to win, you see.) He does remind me constantly that his classes are “more legit” than mine. If there is a tie…he wins the bet as he is taking calculus to my basic math.
So things are constantly changing and moving ever faster. I have the feeling that my life is about to become an episode of “Community”.

There are good things about dialysis

The first, and most obvious, is that my son is, well, alive and for the most part, not sick.

After that the benefits are more esoteric. I am, albeit slowly, becoming more organized. This is not a good night that I go gently into. But I am on top of the whole process, supplies, diet, etc.

The best of all, though, is my relationship with #2. There is a gentleness and soft side to him now that was not always in the forefront. Of my 4 kids he has always been the most solitary, least cuddly kid. He's always been a joy, but he keeps so much inside. He still does. But we have gotten to spend an inordinate amount of alone time together. Hospital visits notwithstanding, I spend about an hour in his room getting him hooked up to the dialysis machine. Every. Single. Night. While he isn't always in there for the whole process, he is for a good bit of it. I noticed a couple months ago that when I finish up he usually offers a "Thanks Mom, I love you." Not that he never said that before, but it is becoming a regular thing...initiated by him. He has a TV in his room, and so he watches his shows while I get things set up. It has been a bonding opportunity to be interested in the shows he likes. We have developed a routine for Emergency Department visits that have made such excruciating experiences bearable. The thing we do is read hyperboleandahalf.com during the waits. This lady is absolutely crazy and her twisted, twisted sense of humor is right up our alley. So, we check in to the ED and pull out my phone. We pull up Allie's blog and take turns reading it to each other. We wind up giggling hysterically and get funny looks from other inmates as well as wardens. Last night, after they determined that, no, he did not need immediate hernia surgery and we could go home, we had to wait an inordinate amount of time for them to complete our paperwork so we could go home. We got one of the igloo rooms, last night we would have preferred a death valley room. The ED was extremely busy (before getting us in a room we got to wait in the "non-bugger-y waiting room ), but we soon tired of freezing. #2 found a sheet to warm him up (?!) and decided to do this:

This was the view from the hallway:

It's not really surprising that we were released shortly thereafter.

So, dialysis has really given us opportunities that would not have presented themselves otherwise.

I'm back

Life has changed dramatically. Martin is on dialysis and I have now lost my job. Maneuvering life unemployed with 4 kids is...interesting. I know God will take care of us, he always does. It is just all so uncertain. I need to find my funny again. At least being a vagabond has enabled me to spend more time with the kids. I'm in the process of getting official assistant track coach status. While folding laundry while watching Stripes the other day, I was thinking that the only way life could get any better is if I were being paid for it.
I may add a blog about dialysis...there is so much. I can't decide if I want to create a different one, or just leave it on here. The social experiment seems to have been a failure, at least a failure when viewed through the lens of my current status. I don't know.
Enough rambling. I've got an appointment with a man about a resume. I know that God has the perfect job for me out there...I wish he'd produce it now.