Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Embracing my new found sveltitude

This is not an easy task. I still feel somewhat like that gross old fat lady. I am far from my goal weight (which I haven't seen since freshman year...of high school) but I have lost 5 1/2 pounds since joining WW, 12 since the start of the fat burn challenge, and 18 since critical mass. I'm not really sure when critical mass was, but it was within the past year. It was the kind of number that, upon first viewing, makes ones skin flush and blood run cold. It was a number that I had never seen, and will never see again! My clothes are fitting better and I'm able to wear things that I haven't in over a year.

I keep wearing the fat clothes, because, well, who has the money to buy new work clothes? I have a couple of skirts that are loose enough I'm beginning to fear they will fall off. What does is say about me that I'm hoping that happens? It would be completely different from the eyeliner/mooning incident chronicled in Humiliations Galore. It would be conformation of my ongoing achievement. (Seeing how the world would end if DM ever acknowledged it.) Or maybe I'm just a closet, or not so closet (WOULD YOU SHUT THE FREAKING DOOR?!?) exhibitionist. I can see it now! I get out of my desk in the morgue. I walk toward the boss du jure's office. My feet tangle in the skirt around my ankles and I fall KATHUNK to the floor. No one would notice as this is the morgue & I am the only one who is capable of human emotion or aware of their surroundings. Kicking off the blessedly offending skirt I do move like this:
Well, the add a photo feature is not working...imagine a kid breakdancing...imagine me break dancing. Eewww never mind, don't do that. We might hurt something.

So, anyway, back to the reason for this post. No really, I'm not ADHD!

I went out for a break...yes to smoke & read...(take that DM)...on my way back in I was engrossed in my book. Since having been a highly accomplished read-walker since I began to read, I was doing just that. As I approached the glass doors I heard someone behind me. I glanced at the door to see who was behind me and how far away they were when I saw the reflection of a nice looking woman. It still amazes me how fast the human mind can process information. What happened inside my head goes something like this:

Wow, she looks good

dark wavy hair

cow jacket

nice lipstick

just like me

WAIT

THAT IS ME!!!

DAMN!!!!!! I LOOK GOOD!!!!

Oh, there's a blond lady behind me carrying two Starbucks cups. I should open the door for her. I guess she looks good too.

I guess I am now truly embracing my new found sveltitude.

1 comment:

The Mominator said...

You totally crack me up, woman!