Back in the Saddle?

Why is it so hard to write?

There are so many things I want to write about, but I don’t. It is so much easier to veg out playing stupid, meaningless games. They aren’t even that much fun, just brain sucking time wasters. Why?

Maybe it is because there are so many big things that occupy my mind most of the time that it is just so nice to be able to turn it off with the games. More likely it is the procrastinator’s deadly trap. I’ll just play for a little bit, the games don’t take that long. The writing or whatever is going to take a lot of time & thought, so I will wait until I have the time to do it. Unfortunately I will not have the time to do it…I need to make the time. And there is the rub, the making of time. That is something I haven’t done in quite some time and desperately need to start again.

Flylady really worked for me once. At a time when my health, physical and mental, was very bad I used the Flylady methods with great success. My house and my life ran so much more smoothly than ever before, or since. I will get back at it. Since the kids have school this week and Joshie & I don’t start until next week, I’m going to use the time to routines set up and begin to purge the crap from my house. When DM lost the house last May and subsequently moved all the crap from his house here, I’ve sort of lost the will to deal with it.

Seven months of despair & denial is wwwaaaaayyyy to long. It ends now. My putting it on here is a desperate bid for accountability.

Happy New Year

New year...might I blog more/again? We'll see. It sounds like a nice idea tho.

I'm just stopping in right now to say how much I love my kids. Every single one of them has done something in the last week that has made me outrageously happy/proud/in awe of them.

The Princess wanting to give away her extra Easy Bake Oven to a poor girl, even after we told her she could take it to a store & trade it in for something else. #3, after having gone to my brother's non-denominational church today, was overheard telling his brother that "They didn't have the Eucharist! Jesus wasn't even there!" (This is not a slam to my brother or his church, but to show that this kid knows, understands & loves what it means to be Catholic.) #2, well it is so late that I don't remember the specific incident, but he is #2. Amazingly resilient, good natured and has made some very good decisions on his own with only gentle suggestions from me. Like his decision to NOT get the 7" blade in the groovy cane he bought. He really did make that decision, much to my shock & incredible relief. It made me so glad to have let him make the decision instead of forbidding it...the dude does have some sense.

Then there is #1. He has been actively discerning his vocation for a while now. On Christmas Eve Mass God gave him the gift of an answer. I have never seen my boy more happy and at peace. It was the best Christmas present ever...for me too.

So maybe after I sleep I'll write more...or not...we know my track record.

In the new hospital

Mart wasn't feeling well last night, so the doc on call had us come in to the ED to make sure everything was okay. We were thinking more along the lines of infection somewhere. Well it wasn't alright. No infection, but his hemoglobin was very low. It dropped from 9 on Monday to 6 on Friday. This is not good. The nephrologist still hasn't come in yet so I have no idea if this kind of drop is bizarre or not. I mean, is this just a toasted kidney issue or could there be a bleeding issue that we are unaware of? The not knowing really rots. He just began the transfusion about 20 minutes ago. It will take 4 hours to complete and then we have to wait an indeterminate period of time before repeating the labs to see how he is doing. So, as far as we know, he will be spending another night here.
The ED was a special kind of hell for me. The room we were in was so cold and had hard plastic chairs. My butt was dead within two hours of being there! We wound up collecting nearly a dozen blankets. I wound up scooting my chair over to Mart's bed, putting a pillow on it and laying my head on it. So sitting up resting my head on his bed. The reason it is a special kind of hell is because that was the only way I could sleep when I had cardiomyopathy. I couldn't breathe well at all, but especially not while laying down. Last night brought back some really unfriendly memories that had been buried for a good long time.
Well, the boy is sleeping in a Benadryll haze and I have to do homework.
The upside is that the new tower is awesome. All the rooms are private, big and beautiful. The chair bed is relatively comfy and I'm allowed to use the bathroom. The nurses are nice and know their stuff.

I Are A College Student

Since I lost my job in February, and haven't found another yet, I enrolled in Scottsdale Community College. While it is scary, I know that this is what I need to be doing. With most of the first week of classes under my belt, I am really excited. The classes I'm taking, however, do not appear to be that taxing. While this is a good thing for my first semester, especially with the life I have, it feels rather silly. I tested very poorly in math, so am starting at the beginning. All the minions, especially #3, like to remind me that they are in more advanced math classes than me. I'm taking yoga, which is really important for ME, not a mentally challenging class. I'm excited for Spanish. In the past six months it has become glaringly apparent that being bilingual is not just a bonus, but a necessity. Then there is "Strategies for College Success". While the book looks good, the class has mostly been touchy-feely, awkward icebreaker, kindergarten level activities. Today is my graphic art class...I'M SO JAZZED!
The thing I've been pondering, especially with Veritas curriculum nights this week, is how to give myself a Veritas education, even though the classes I'm taking are relatively...meh. I'm thinking it hinges on a phrase that drives all the Veritas minions crazy: SENSE OF WONDER. This will be the key to my getting everything I possibly can in school. To foster that in all areas and really dig deep to maintain it, even if I think some of the things we do are boring or silly. Thankfully I've been gifted with a childlike(ish) sense of wonder in life as it is.
Here I go!

This is only a test

I have school in the morning, and still I can't sleep.

Since it had been so long since I updated this thing, when I posted the other day I was surprised that it came up on FB as a "note". And not a link to my blog. While this is a rather silly peeve, I decided to see if I could correct it. This post is the test to see if I was successful.

Joshie and Mart have a blood test to see if Joshie's kidney would play nice inside Mart's body. THAT is a post for another time.

School rocks. I can't wait to actually learn something. I'm pondering how I could create a Veritas type education for myself while taking relatively banal classes at SCC. "Sense of Wonder" keeps coming to mind.

Just for the sheer randomness of it, here is a picture of me riding the Sky Cycle at the Arizona Science Center. It was S O M U C H F U N!!!!!